The Healing Quest

The Pieces of Trauma

innerquesthealing — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 12:03:40 +0000

When trauma comes, it comes unexpected, shocking our sense of self. A trauma can be the result of illness, death, abuse, assault, divorce, or any other upsetting event. Trauma as it is used here does not necessarily mean post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) although some traumatizing events do cause PTSD. Traumatizing events are damaging because they shatter our sense of security and attack our identity. After trauma, we are left staring numbly at the shattered pieces of our lives.

At first, we don’t pick up the pieces because we don’t know where to begin and besides we don’t want to pick them up and build a new life. We were comfortable with the life we had, even if that life was less than ideal. To begin piecing together a new normal is unfathomable and often we have neither the energy nor desire to begin such an arduous task.

But eventually we grow discontent with the situation in which we find ourselves. We may have been coping by using drugs or alcohol, isolating ourselves from others, losing ourselves in memories too painful to name, or blaming others for our current predicament. But after awhile, we realize such behavior is unproductive and that the only way to heal is by picking up the shattered pieces of our lives, discarding the ones no longer needed, and a finding a place for the pieces that are still useful. By picking up the pieces, we have made a decision to heal.

Healing and new life become our primary focus. After we have been traumatized, there are many areas of life that may need to be healed. These areas include our physical, financial, mental, emotional, psychological, social, and spiritual health. What areas of your life need attention?

For the remainder of the month, I will explore these seven areas in more depth, address different ways to set healing goals in each area, and tools you can use to measure your healing progress. It is possible to reclaim a life that is meaningful after trauma.

The First Step of Change

innerquesthealing — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 23:54:24 +0000

When a trauma, such as clergy sexual abuse, occurs in our lives it is unsettling. The ground collapses beneath our feet and we are left struggling to regain our footing. Sometimes the harder we struggle, the more we slip. This unsettled feeling can last a long time, especially if we continue to look to the past, clinging to what we once had and who we once were.

Trauma is like being placed at a foot of an unexplored mountain with a cliff to our backs and no map to navigate our way out. It is natural to cling to the past because we have never been to the place where trauma has brought us and did not come on our own accord.

So how do we tackle rebuilding our lives when the terrain where trauma has placed us is so unfamiliar? We begin by realizing we need to make a decision. Do we want to stay in this ungrounded place looking behind us at what has been? Some people choose to do this and that is their choice.

Others decide to take a step and begin charting the ground that lies before them. They may not know exactly how to move forward but they take the first step knowing they can always change directions if necessary. The first step in moving forward is asking the question, “Where do I want to go and how am I going to get there?”

A year from now, at the dawn of 2013, what changes will have manifested in your life? In what direction will you be headed?

Women’s Equality Day

innerquesthealing — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 00:07:18 +0000

Today is Women’s Equality Day in the United States. Women’s Equality Day was first established in 1971 to commemorate women’s right to vote which occurred on this day in 1920. But are women truly equal in the United States when:

One in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime,

One in four women will be the victim of domestic violence at least once in her life,

One in six women will experience a rape or an attempted rape,

Every 9 seconds a woman is beaten,

And women were earning 77 cents to every dollar earned by a man.

Ninety-one years have passed since women have been given the right to vote. Forty years since Women’s Equality Day was first celebrated. And still many women must struggle for their rights and women who have been victimize often struggle to be believed when they report violence that has been perpetrated against them. Let us remember on this day of equality that there is still much work that needs to be done in order for true equality to be experienced by all who live in this country.